Forgiveness has always been the hardest obstacle to overcome in my life.
What could have divided two sisters?
Was it about a boy?
Read here about our decision to go on a pilgrimage
In a way it was about a boy but not the usual story that one would normally imagined.
Six years ago, I had an elder brother who was eleven years older than me.
One day, he committed suicide due to depression.
Despite that I love my late brother dearly, his notorious gambling habit was a direct product of my father’s favoritism and negligence.
Previously, even if I ever get into serious trouble, I would never have expected help.
Not even from family members.
As such, the level of favoritism and unfairness easily tore family relationships apart.
It was tragically very similar to divide and conquer but unintentional as my father had little education and he grew up without a father figure.
However ruthless, the painful truth is parenting is not a skill everyone can master.
My sister is 12 years older than I am and a year older than my late brother.
When my late brother needed family support the most and sought refuge at her empty apartment, she decided to sell her property although she didn’t need the money.
It was too late when I found out because by then I was already called to the morgue.
Nothing in this world could have ever prepared anyone for this kind of catastrophe.
Till this day, I don’t think I’ve fully recovered or that I ever will be.
For the past six years, the mere sight of her made my blood boil.
Maybe she reminded me of my late brother.
Perhaps her cruelty never fail to remind me of my own helplessness.
Our behavior is after all a direct reflection of our soul.
I was sure it was killing her slowly on the inside too else she would not have gotten so ill.
She should have had the surgery done three years ago.
Despite the overall success of the surgery, the delay caused some permanent nerve damage to her finger tips as well as eye sight.
Other than the feeling of utter despair, the entire experience made me felt totally useless, powerless and insignificant.
I was too busy applying into a graduate school six years before.
On top of that, I was living from one pay cheque to another.
Turned out that graduate school even when awarded the most prestigious of scholarship wasn’t exactly worthwhile the time as I had to sell my soul to a monster.
That is of course an entirely different story…
My world collapsed before my very eyes.
I wished I had the wisdom then to send my brother into a rehabilitation center.
It could have saved his life.
The only way I could continue living was to console myself that he went to a better place.
A place where he will always be loved unconditionally.